Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
