i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
