i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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