Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
