no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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