Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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