I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
