that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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