im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
