That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize