WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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