I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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