ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
