the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
