Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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