just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize