I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
