Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
