i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
