you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
