Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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