the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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