Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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