I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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