He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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