ya dads aren't the best wingmen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
