how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
