Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
