i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
