she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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