I feel like abortions should bother me more
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
