I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
