I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
