Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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