When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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