We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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