im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
