yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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