I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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