needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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