i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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