Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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