I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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