I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
