Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
