thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
