I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
