I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
