you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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