cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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