if you like me you must not know who I am
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
