do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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