I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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