I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
