i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
