there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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