I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
