she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
