your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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