I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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