I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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