Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize