i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
