Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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