i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
